(Posters of movies like FernGully: The Last Rainforest, An Inconvenient Truth, Once Upon a Forest, Avatar, and WALL-E appear) NC: (vo) It'd make sense if they had them be the ones that destroyed the Earth, but then we couldn't get our "man anal fucks environment" message that I'm sure this film is the first one to introduce. NC: They're just referred to as "aliens". Hell, we don't even know what they're called. Quite pointlessly, to be honest, as we never see or find out anything about them. NC: (vo) Oh, yeah, quick side note: did we forget to mention there's aliens in this world? There's aliens in this world. (A giant alien creature attacks the screen) Kitai: (vo) The aliens released the Ursa. NC: Dude, what's with the accent? Was your mother Matthew McConaughey? The founding of the United Ranger Corps, one thousand years ago, was a global military effort. (Clips play, showing how the planet became uninhabitable) A paradise, until we destroyed it. Kitai: (vo) (with accent) I've heard stories of Earth.
(Cut to the first scene with Kitai lying on the ground, with his face all swollen) For example, get a load of Will's intro over Jaden's narration. But like I said, even though the movie has Shyamalan's seal of horrendous-ness, you can't ignore the ego hand job that the Smith family is obviously giving itself. Yep, the film was so bad that the public felt a civic duty to alert as many people as quickly as possible about it's horrible-ness. It was reported that this film started out as number one on opening day, but word spread so fast that it slipped down a slot the next day, and was so bad that it slipped down another slot the next. Kitai: (played by Jaden Smith) That sucked. So to cement his status, Will took it upon himself to write a story starring his son that would hopefully lead to a sci-fi franchise. Will Smith's son, Jaden, was something of a rising star. NC: (vo) Something important to keep in mind this time around is unlike his other films, Shyamalan is not entirely to blame for this one. Today, we look at- (The logo for After Earth comes up NC groans in frustration, laying his head on his desk) No! No! No, no, no, no, no! (Clips of the movie play) Oh, God, not that one! Not that one! Oh, b- Come on! It's so stupid and dumb! J- I- What with the flying, and the- (grumbles) Ah. Jaden: Oh, this is like being in Karate Kid with no karate in it. Will: DENIED! Now get your stupid space suit on, Jaden! Jaden Smith: (played by Gideon Ray, Jr.) (beat) Well, Dad, can't I choose not to be in a Shyamalan movie? Do not misunderstand me, the danger is very real. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. Will Smith: (played by Malcolm Ray) Fear is not real.